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Raging Sharks Movie Review - Cinema de Merde

September 08 2006

WEBMASTER'S NOTE: THIS WAS JUST TOO FUNNY NOT TO POST EVEN THOUGH THE REVIEWER SAYS CORIN LOOKS LIKE THE LOVE CHILD OF GARY OLDMAN AND DAVID SPADE... HARSH.

What are the elements that make up a successful movie? Plot? Characters? Conflict? Interesting direction? Or is it really JUST shark attacks? I think when you boil movies down to their essence, to the core elements that really separate the masterpiece from the mundane, everyone must agree that the key element is shark attacks. And this movie promised to have a lot of them.

I can't recall how I came across this movie. I think I was going through Netflix's sci-fi section and came across it there, and of course advanced it straight to number one immediately. Anyway, it is the rare shark attack movie that begins in space, but that is precisely how very vast the scope of this unforgettable film is. There is some big spaceship, and it is heading for a star crash with this other ship, for reasons that are unexplained. But before they hit, the aliens, who look uncannily like the aliens from Spielberg's War of the Worlds, jettison this cylinder into space. Then their ship explodes in a series of superimposed explosions [that I would swear are the very same explosions used on the old Battlestar Galactica series].

So the cylinder comes crashing to Earth and hits this ship, and around this time one thinks, "Wow, they really aren't going to skimp on the explosions." Speaking of explosions, there is a cool underwater explosion here-well, underwater explosions are always pretty cool-but this one has a shot [that I watched frame-by-frame about 70 times] wherein all these tiny particles shoot upward out of the water, creating what looks like this kind of crystal ice sculpture that... was really pretty!

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